The Storm

Remember that tornado I was talking about in my last post? Well, apparently that was the calm before the storm. It has been a while since I last wrote...not sure exactly what day my last post was on, but a lot has transpired since then.

As some of you reading this already know, I had to go into emergency surgery this past Wednesday morning. At about 3am on Wednesday I woke up to severe abdominal pain. I was told that the shot I received on Sunday night at the ER would cause me pain similar to this so I just thought it was related to that. However, five hours later the pain was still as severe and a little scary. Since I was supposed to see my doctor later that day anyway we decided to call when they opened to let the know what was happening. They asked me to come in right away.

After some talking the doctor asked for yet another ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay. During the ultrasound they found that the ectopic pregnancy was still there along with some blood and a rather large cyst. Then the dreaded words, "when's the last time you ate?". My tube had ruptured and I needed surgery immediately.

What it all boils down to is this...the pain was from the large amount of internal bleeding that was happening along with this cyst. After getting inside me the doctor realized that there was no way that my fallopian tube could be saved. So, that was removed along with the cyst and all the blood.

The good news. My fertility will NOT be negatively affected by this procedure at all! Apparently two functioning ovaries can use one functioning fallopian tube...pretty amazing and a definite blessing for us.

So here I sit again confused, sad, angry, and scared. Yet, overjoyed to still have my life and the chance to create another still with me. I continue to wonder why this is all happening, but understand that I may never know and that it really doesn't matter. I wonder how all this will be used to glorify God; it just doesn't seem possible. I sit here and think that I don't want some amazing testimony or story. And then I laugh because this is usually followed up with the thought that God doesn't really care...He's doing exactly what I/us/you need to happen.

It hurts. It makes no sense. It tests me. It pushes me. But I am still going. I wake up every day. I am blessed beyond measure. I am loved.

A few more thoughts:

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. (James 1:12 NASB)

Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NASB)