Where We Are

I thought of something today that Chris brought to my attention when we realized that we were
losing this child...in the time that it takes a women to conceive, carry, and deliver one healthy child, we have lost three. What a harsh reality that was. It almost seems impossible. But then again, it now seems like such a foreign idea to me that most women will have little to no pregnancy complications.

Chris and I now fall into some ridiculous statistic - approximately 1% of couples that are trying to conceive will experience three miscarriages in a row. Not the kind of special one really wants to be.

I cried today. A lot. I don't know why today was so hard, but it was. It's difficult for me to be alone right now. I think way too much. I get sad, angry, hurt, and confused. I am completely helpless to this situation. At least that is what it feels like. I literally watched all three of my children slip away with no way of being able to stop it. There was absolutely nothing that I could have done. So, why do I feel so awful about that in particular?

On to what I was initially hoping to share today. Tomorrow I have an appointment to make sure that this miscarriage has resolved itself naturally. Such an interesting thing to hope for...that your body has successfully expelled your baby. But, that is the hope. We will also begin talking to the doctor about testing. We are now at a point where I need to be tested for a whole line of different things that may have caused these miscarriages. I am scared. It is estimated that only about 50% of couples will actually find a reason for their losses. I'm stumped on how to pray for this one. Do I pray that something is wrong but that it can be fixed? Or, do I pray that nothing is wrong and that we will just never have this problem again?

Either way, I ask all of you reading this to pray for Chris and I as we head to the doctor tomorrow. Pray for a naturally resolved miscarriage. And then just pray as the Lord leads you. We need your prayers. I need your prayers.